DETROIT - */*****

By  Porothy Darker

I honestly don’t know where to begin with this pile of garbage. I guess I’ll start with the length - it’s entirely too long (at least 45 minutes), and had an uncanny knack for filling the viewer with relief that it’s almost over, only to have scene after inconsequential scene tacked on. Also, the editing was shit. This is a great example of what happens when you know you’re making a “culturally important” movie, and know that no (white male) studio exec, or critic would dare criticize it.

There are way too many characters, and too little character development to give a shit about anyone in the movie - an issue that somehow couldn’t be solved with over an hour of exposition. I honestly thought that when we got to the “good” part, it was almost over. Every single character the movie focuses on is either too much of a piece of shit, or too stupid (usually both) to save themselves, and it makes it hard to root for any of them. Why would I care about the high-pitched-singing michael jackson ripoff who is trying to fuck strangers before whispering sweet nothings into his girlfriend’s ear over the phone and daring her to venture into the “warzone” (not to get all “cheating is bad,” but that scene did nothing to further the plot except show that he’s kind of an asshole)? What about the singer’s “bodyguard”/manager who had an opportunity to save himself as the others did, but got indignant and ended up wearing two (three?) gunshots for it (spoiler alert)? Oh, how about the black security guard who caries two guns and inserts himself into dangerous situations for no reason, and then does absolutely nothing to help when the cops start getting out of hand? The dumbass who shot a starter pistol at national guardsman that started the whole conflict in the first place (he died first - probably deservedly so)? THE REST OF THE PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE FOR NOT SAYING THE DEAD GUY WAS SHOOTING AT THE COPS WHEN THAT’S CLEARLY WHAT THEY WANTED TO HEAR? Fuck, this movie is frustrating.

The writing/directing/editing also painted the black community in detroit in a very negative light. The first scene of the movie is the impetus for the riots - you’d think they could at least show some police brutality to give them a reason to start looting and burning down their homes, but there was none of it. I understand that there were a number of events/a history of mistreatment that led to the riots, but the movie didn’t show any of it. There was more than enough time to dive into some heinous police shit, but we saw none - instead we got a fairly innocuous raid and then riots. The rioters ended up looking like overreacting dicks out to steal some sweet bikes and electronics - fuck them.

Rather than end the movie after some very uncomfortable-to-watch police brutality (torture?), we were treated to interrogation and trial scenes. Yay. As someone who was completely unaware of the real story, I was somehow less than surprised that the cops were found innocent. There were audible gasps in the theater when that happened - did those people think the movie was called “Justice?” Fucking dummies. Jim from the office is the cops’ lawyer, and he plays it like an SNL character complete with a terrible wig, and a constant shit eating grin. He was the best part of the movie. I just realized that I haven’t mentioned the casting of the main bad guy - they went with the “don’t go chasing waterfalls” kid from We’re the Millers. Hahahaha if you can’t picture him as a racist, abusive, feared policeman in 1960s Detroit, you aren’t alone - and I watched him play the part. The writing/directing went to great lengths to paint him (and his cronies - one of whom had a real rapey vibe - good on him) as the worst person ever, and he probably was. But, in what world can you riot, physically assault and shoot at police officers and expect no repercussions? In DETROIT’s world I guess.

To sum it up, DETROIT is a masturbatory civil-rights, white-people-are-the-devil fest aimed squarely at the lowest common denominator, and based on the reactions I’ve seen, they didn’t miss their mark. I very reluctantly give it 1 out of 5 stars, and a big fuck you to everyone involved.